Finally the Week Ends

Even though it's just Thursday, it basically feels over; I even watched my weekend movie tonight instead of waiting. It was Blindness and I really liked the music and story, even though most of it was disconcerting. Then I started getting all these Sean Connery James Bond movies. He's my favorite.
Devin, Brandon, and Matt came for the week and left this morning. They did a lot of camping this time and browsed the city on their own. They went to the Sand Dunes and told me the condition of it during the Fall. It's really interesting how many faces that place has. We ate Beaux Jo's and they would have passed it over without even knowing it. That's the one pizza place everyone is told to go to when they first come to Fort Collins. Basically, we just had nights together because of my schedule, and we drank good beer (even though I usually hate it) and smoked their strange St. Louis weed and wild dagga and kratom and lots of stuff, and watched crazy kung-fu movies. I really didn't get to study for my weed test as much as I should have, but I feel pretty good about it - maybe a B. I really studied for the first test and only got an 89, but that was over more material. So now I'm totally pooped and I wasn't able to get the car totally fixed like I had hoped. Unfortunately when Autozone read the computer they cleared the lights, so I have to waste gas waiting for it to reset and turn back on so I can take it to the Toyota dealership. I don't understand machines, but I like using them.

Wolf Day

Today was a wolf sort of day. This is different than a Fox Day because it lacks underhanded intentions. Other than that, they might be very similar. Essentially, in every class today, I've felt physically sore and tired, like my body was a spring. And there was electricity in the feeling that set the hair on my body upright. I kept in a crouched position waiting for each class to end and this was especially trying in composition, waiting as the teacher explained things multiple times as if we were idiots (something which really grates on my mental state). I had the recurring daydream of transforming into a wolf and leaping out of class and running, just running, never looking back. It's a sort of physical vigor I don't feel often, something I imagine the spiritual use of the datura plant causing. I guess it has just been too long a period of sitting, staring at powerpoint presentations.

The Killer's Spirit

Today I practiced my killer's spirit/intention. On the way back to my apartment I saw a couple ravens, big ones, picking over garbage in the street. I walked toward them and made a hiss sound and they took off but only a foot away, as most big city birds do. Since they weren't in my way I kept on for my apartment, but noticed they were staring after me between pecks at the garbage. So I looked at them and stared in a particular way, more with thought then a physical change. Both birds went alight quickly, all the way to a distant tree where they still looked after me.

I recall reading about different ways of seeing and nonverbal communication, probably in a Castaneda book, so this was a neat experiment.

Baths

What I like about baths is the effect of the water over my body, the pressure and absence of pressure. I breathe in and my chest rises above the water and my hair falls like limp seaweed on shore. The cold and limp hair weigh together as a blanket holding me down. I breathe out and my chest falls below the water and my hair is puppeteered upward, the faint blue of the water cast over this tall-grass prairie growing on my chest.

A Boring Girl

"You're very conventional, aren't you? You should try to see the light in the things you shadow, and the dark lines that accentuate your light."

Today in composition we were going around the class describing the topics we had chosen, several of which would become group writing assignments for the rest of the semester. I thought more taboo topics would be picked since it's a "writing arguments" class, but I was the only one. Euthanasia.
People were generally interested in what I said, since several noted so online, likely because it's such an open-ended subject. But sitting to my right are two or so girls who entered on the first day of class sighing and talking about how much they already hated the class. So every time my topic was brought up in class discussion, one of the girls would say to the other, "that's such a depressing topic. I could never work on something like that for the rest of the semester. It makes me feel depressed."
I wanted to say something like: "I wasn't aware you became depressed so easily. Should we worry about you?"
It's unfortunate how conventional and boring some people can be. I say this due to a half semester of sitting next to her which I cannot fill this blog with. But this is the common view, death is a bothersome thing to talk about, especially with children who think they live forever. I mean I plan to live forever too, just not out of fear of the next adventure.
And then I remembered a quote which I would have repeated to her if she had a longer attention span:
"let children walk with Nature, let them see the beautiful blendings and communions of death and life, their joyous inseparable unity, as taught in woods and meadows, plains and mountains and streams of our blessed star, and they will learn that death is stingless indeed and as beautiful as life..."