Dreamt

I've been having vivid dreams lately, strange ones. It seems the melatonin is becoming variable because not all my dreams are like this, though I have started taking it every night rather than stopping on the weekends, to avoid the hangover effect of the hormone.
I forget these dreams because I stop thinking about them which is why I'm writing this one here. I believe I had two dreams last night, and this isn't strange but for the fact that each was at the same location and yet not.

The first scene took place in a large mansion and all I remember is that it was a rugged old home and that I had some purpose within it.
The second scene took place outdoors in a mid-depth pool of clear, still water. Looking one direction showed me the mansion a little way off and looking the other way showed me an orange-red marmalade sky of a setting sun. A little grassy distance on every side ended abruptly as if the location were on a cliff or it was floating in the air.
Mikenzie, a small girl in my hall with an attractive pixie cut, was there and looked quite cat-like. She had these sharp claws that dug into me and hurt me. There was someone or something else there that told me things, like the fact that Mikenzie was cat girl and evil and had nine lives. I picked up bits that reminded me that within the house I fought many evil characters, and Mikenzie was the last. I can't remember who the hinter was or why it was there.
The only thing I had at my disposal was the pool, so I drowned Mikenzie many times as she scratched back. Suddenly, though, everything went melodramatic and the setting sun became even deeper, the hinter was farther in the background, and Mikenzie was laying in my arms looking up at me with innocent eyes, as is shown in many movies. She said that she was evil and had to die and so was resigned to it. I started to cry because I really didn't want to take her last life, and so I held her to me, and she said it had to be done. I kept crying as I started lowering her without resistance to the water and the sun kept setting. Then I woke up.

I've been tired all day. I think I wanted to keep dreaming to see what would have happened next.

Zadig

"When one is loved by a beautiful woman, says the great Zoroaster, one always gets out of trouble in the world."

Class

I see couples in my classes that always sit together as if they planned their schedules to have the same class. I hate those classes.

Shifting Realities

Everyday this semester, and it's felt like many more days than it has actually been, I've told myself that I'm just a ghost here. I'm seen but unseen. I think I'm touching peoples' lives or at least making some kind of impression and yet I feel I could so easily just disappear off the map. I will be graduating soon enough and that will happen, and before then I'll be in an apartment which I could see being a sort of womb in which I could spend a lot of my time.
I suppose it's a sort of Donnie Darko-esque idea; being a part of the lives of people in one reality and, in another reality where you didn't interact with those people, they still feel you. Sort of a ghost in that respect. It's a strange idea to be fading from one reality into another. I feel like a disconnect from reality could cause me to disappear in which case this ghost presence in others' lives would be felt.

This sounded clearer and more poetic when I was writing it in my head hours ago.

****
On another note, I've gone to a sustainable development club meeting, which started the only organic garden on campus, and a horticulture club meeting. The people there are interesting and older... maybe my sort? I went to another horticulture club meeting and we found out the club greenhouse has mealy bugs, which are apparently impossible to get rid off. So those whole club stock of propagation had to be thrown away, pots and all. Some plants seemed to be free of them so they were submerged in neen oil which suffocated all air spaces within pot and plant without harming the plant somehow. It's sad that so many plants died from this, but funny because when I asked about recruitment the guys said members couldn't really take plants they want yet today I gained seven plants! Further, the whole bay of the greenhouse has to be burned. Flamethrowers will be brought in and the earth will literally be scorched.

There's No Smile of an Angel Without the Wrath of God

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PWaZ9yg_LQ4

Something I Never Published

Sometimes I wonder if I could actually perform in a job in the field I'm heading into. I struggle with completing tasks outdoors because I'm so overwhelmed and over calmed by the atmosphere of the natural world. I have a hard time concentrating with the wind wrapping her arms around me and the trees casting their scents to me. I would have to overcome the liberal arts tendencies to complete a scientific job. Sometimes I think I'm going into my major to get a job which would give me material for my liberal arts hobbies.

Good Dream Place

The place that feels best and that I would like to revisit someday is within an RV. Compact living is fun, especially when mobile, and the limited space allows you to only keep what you need. You have to choose your possessions wisely. I have a memory of being in the very cramped bathroom of an RV, after a shower. I was toweling off when I opened the very small window that befits such a small room. Through this tiny peephole I glimpsed the park we were camped in and the shady breeze of Summer came in and gave me goosebumps. It smelled of juniper.

Another Snowy Day

Currently listening to:
I Was a Landscape in Your Dream
Of Montreal

He was the sort of boy the cold clung to, like a pretty girl draping her arms over his shoulders from behind. The sort all boys fall into. His jacket is an adequate shield, but she slowly sinks in anyway, given time. The moisture within him bubbles up and out, intermingling with snow which blows back onto his eyelashes and stitches his eyes closed. Blind as the first day in his world, though perhaps more so; more drained and flickering, moving as a mummy. And poor cold, the girl that clings to the sort that can be clung to, is left alone. Shields have been reinvented and shelters have gone up that constantly provide warmth - places she cannot survive in cut off from her whole. So she waits outside a building entered by someone she was with, waiting for another. Always with someone new.

My Jacket

A small girl and large boy
in a room of trapped heat
everyone heavy, looking forward
she leans on his sleepy form
and doesn't stay still
and vibrates like a young bird
or rabbit in restlessness
they sneak a kiss

I've been told my jacket is too big for me, it's obviously many sizes bigger than me. I like its largeness and how it flows around me, like being within a home outside of home. I can keep possessions inside and maybe even sit down to tea within it. Its extra spaces capture extra heat and coze me. It has room for two.