In Another's Shoes

Once in a while I dress in tatters;

the pants that lost their blue
leaving skeleton threads of white-
but not from activity, I know,
the threads never broke.

The second-hand shirt,
too big or too small
with missing buttons
and shrunken collar.

The shoes, scratched and stained
from abrasive ice and salt,
the leather worn smooth
and the soles worn uneven.

Within a coffee shop I try to order
and they look over me and inquire
The days of store credit are over.
But I have what they desire.

The paper that is not quite paper
and little disks a drop spread out.

Personality Test

Often concerned with right and wrong, and punctilious in expressing it, you are best represented by the Customs Agent or the IRS inspector. Initially seen by others as cold or uncaring, you are difficult for those more spontaneous members of society to understand. You are extremely stable, responsible and dependable. You manifest an amazing ability to concentrate on the issue at hand, and are difficult to distract from issues that are important. You manifest a great sense of loyalty to your employers and your government. You tend to show love through a display of committed works, believing that actions speak louder than words. You are also resistant to change and tend to believe that the old ways are best. If a behavior has been successful in the past, why would anyone want to change? You work best in a controlled environment.

I'd be interested to hear the results of others: http://www.hypnoid.com/psytest2.html?utm_source=Sailthru&utm_medium=email&utm_term=Very%20Short%20List%20-%20Daily&utm_campaign=VSL

Ray

There comes a time
A time in everyone's life
Where lovin' seems to go away
When nothin' seems to turn out right

There may come a time
You just can't seem to find your place
For every door you open
Seems like you get two slammed in your face

That's when you need, someone
Someone that you, you can hold
When all your faith is gone
Feels like you can't go home

Let it be me
Let it be me
If it's a friend, that you need
Let it be me
Let it be me

Feels like you always comin' up last
Pockets full of nothin', ain't got no cash
No matter where you turn, you ain't got no place to stand
You reach out for somethin', and they slap your hand

I remember all too well
Just how it feels to be all alone
Feels like you give anything
For just a little place you can call your own

That's when you need, someone
Someone that you, you can hold
When all your faith is gone
Feels like you can't go home

Let it be me
Let it be me
If it's a friend, you need
Let it be me
Let it be me

Let it be me
Let it be me
If it's a friend, you need
Let it be me
Let it be me
Let it be me

Yellow Country Teeth

"...a child with a shotgun can shoot down honeybees that sting, but this boy could use a little sting."

Kid

If I ever have a child, I think I'll plant a tree for them to grow up with.

In My Mind

I think about the people I know or have seen and I make up stories about them, and me. I love, fight, sustain friendships, and spend my whole life with people. In this way, in real life, I get very close to people or keep them at a faraway distance. The funny thing is people aren't even aware of this and the stories become memories that can confuse me, and eventually they fade like many memories do. It's also interesting to note that, while I get closer to people or sustain friendships this way, I'm doing so with my last memory of the person. I haven't yet been totally shocked when meeting with someone I had old memories of, but I have the feeling it's going to happen soon - people can't help but change.

When you ran outside with your shirt tucked in and your shoes untied

Currently listening to:
Casimir Pulaski Day
Sufjan Stevens

I thought about this post half of the day but between there and now I've been involved with some people which broke the steady mood I had been thinking in to that moment. Rather than just throw down the good fragments, I'm going to try and make this as flowy and conducive as I can. I kind of wonder what point there is in conversation these days, with all the catch-up recorded somewhere online. It's all third person these days.

I was watching people today out the big bay window of an alcove in this building I would have class in. Windows are nice because it's like looking at a movie screen or some moving photograph. I like to imagine the lives of the people I see: where they go home at night and what their evening routines are, who they are going to meet and how they interact with them and if they would be interested in me, what their hopes and dreams are, and so on. There are so many little stories out there.

Today has been a sad sort of day, a desire to meet new people sort of day, or picnic with old friends. People just keep looking at me; maybe it's my hair. I think there's a correlation between hunger and despair; when hunger is present, despair begins to increase, but there's some peak point where despair continues to increase but hunger suddenly decreases. It's a dangerous correlation. I remember a time in high school when I had it and my parents worried about me. Today wasn't as bad as back then.

In statistics I got a quiz back and got 100% and my eyes started to tear up. I thought to myself, why do my teachers keep giving me these numbers, which probably sounds silly since it will really help my grade out. It's just not what I really want or need. I wish my teachers would put their hand on my shoulder and lead me outside and tell me there's more to life than all this, even though this is all I've known so far. They would take me to their homes which would be tastefully old-fashioned with translucent drapes over the lamps casting patterns on the walls, and they would have a big radio that would be the main fixture of the living room. We would go to their patio outback where the grass hasn't been mowed in a few weeks and the potted tomato plants would be perky with the recent rain. The paint would be chipping and the bricks would be cracked, but we'd drink tea and discuss why things are the way they are and why we feel the way we do.
It was during this that I realized I no longer enjoy school. Maybe it's just a temporary feeling produced from a year of classes I have to take but that I have no interest in. I figured out my schedule for next semester and took it a step farther by listing every class I need to graduate. If there are no conflictions with time and I get into every class I need and if one class is suddenly offered in the fall instead of spring, I'll graduate in three semesters and be out of here. But that's a lot of ifs.

I've been dreaming of the American Dream lately. I've got so much school work that keeps rolling in and it's all harder than I'm used to now that I'm in the upper level classes and it makes me worry a lot more about the uncertainty of summer. I'm working hard to get the summer nailed down, but there are too many other people trying to do the same thing. How thin can the American Dream stretch? I get caught in the cycle of needing experience to get a good internship and needing a good internship to get experience. If I can't get an internship I hope I at least find a farm/ranch I can work and live within.

Boogidy

Eyes cascade and hold
walking through plazas
no distance
what they see in me
I do not see
what they see in me
they cross away
steady smile accompany
steady eyes
what a creep
something strange about-
that peaceful face
what's behind
sheep afraid with nothing but sheep
walking through plazas
no distance
trotting away

Can't Judge By the Cover

Since my first alone lunch with Kristin, who I thought would be a new friend, I haven't seen her. I took it to mean she didn't want me bothering her since she stopped coming to her usual lunch spot all together. I saw her tonight after I'd finished eating and I couldn't tell if she was surprised to see me, she just gave me a side glance and a meek smile and walked past me. As I left I looked over at where she was eating alone and she was looking at her phone and smiling.

Journey Round My Skull

Recently I've been having this soreness in the back of my head, feels like the lower left side of my skull. To the touch it doesn't feel asymmetrical from the other side, meaning there's no bump or anything. It's sort of a dull pain when I touch it. I've been getting plenty of sleep so I don't think it's a lack of rest thing, but when it gets later in the evening it seems to become more pronounced and I start feeling pretty lethargic.
I think around the same time the pain started I began seeing flashes. I'll be working on my computer and out of the corner of my eye I'll see this sparkle, and when I focus my sight on it all that's there is a tiny scrap of paper or something else that's white. It can be annoying and distracting. I could be wrong about it starting up when my head started hurting. I hope they aren't related and my brain is inflating and pressing on my skull or something. That would be a bother.
I think the soreness is getting better, though. At least I'm able to touch the spot more easily now.