Future Phase

I had a great dinner with Robyn Saturday night. The food was good; the conversation was funny. Then she reminded me we were supposed to go dumpster diving so we headed out for a place she said she knew, only she didn't know her way and didn't look it up before we left which irked my sense of destination. We arrived to find the dumpster totally sealed up with a pipe leading into it from the building. Diving was impossible. Then we tried Whole Foods, only their dumpsters were behind a fence and someone was sitting at the entrance; apparently you have to go late at night when everyone goes home. I was upset and kept going on about how we had set a goal we couldn't accomplish, as if it should have been easy. She went to her apartment and didn't look back. As I was falling asleep that night I realized my sense of urgency stemmed from the irrational belief that it was my last night, whatever that meant. One of my good friends here said it sounded like a disassociation of the mind, similar to what would be expected on a certain drug. I corroborated that I caught the extended moment when sleep is coming on and it sort of felt the same way. We never really came up with any explanation.

Another realization I had was on the current state I've felt being back in college. This last weekend felt like a repeating series of disjointed moments; in fact, this whole last week felt that way and it's beginning to feel like that's the theme of this semester. I am a wolf in winter with ribs pressing out against skin, senses heightened, looking for poetry or art or philosophy to consume. It's the liberal arts I'm starving for.