Lights

I still keep seeing those lights and atmospheric iridescence. Usually they're just points or spheres that appear, but I just saw a crackling of light almost like plastic wrap used on caramel apples shining in parts of the folds. It was in the corner of my vision so I turned my head to see it full on and it was gone and there was nothing there that was remotely reflective. Things are going on within my eyes. I feel like I'm breaching into something.

Holidays

I still feel uncomfortable with holidays, like they're a disturbance in my daily life. My gut says no and I'm just not able to bring myself to go to a friend's house to eat. I think it might have to do with knowing the people. If I have met and talked with people during a normal day, I probably wouldn't hesitate to be with the family on a holiday. I can't join in a holiday and meet people for the first time while eating their food and such. Yes, I know people probably don't mind and it's part of the holiday but I'm still put extremely on edge by it. There are so many things about holidays that agitate me, and I have the feeling that they are actually things about me that agitate me. I'm still to rigid about some things.

Muses

It's good and true that disturbance and emotional overflow are keys to creativity. Words, only the right ones, flow easily at these times because there is only time for the truth - if just the truth at that time. However, this being lightly touched upon, one cannot exist for any extended time in this particular state of creativity; one needs periods of peace. Like a plane in a strong storm, the wind can slowly peel plates away until the frame remains, and is too peeled away; like a sand castle in high tide, the water can touch and take a few grains at a time, melting the whole away. We must be careful with ourselves, as people and muses.

Dandelions in Winter?

I message Dandelion and she doesn't message back, but she reads the blog. Why don't you message back?

The Furnace, The Human Body

As humans, we stoke the fire which keeps our bodies moving, like coal to a train. I am the furnace which produces no soot, no accumulation. Logs are added to the stone bottom and they catch and vanish, leaving no trace. While it is not good to gather too much soot without sweeping the furnace out, it is equally not good to have so efficient a furnace that there is no residue. Without the residuals of fuel, there is little pay off, like putting money in a bank without earning interest. The soot from a furnace, after all, goes on to nourish a garden and bring further growth and prosperity.

Hospice

Jeska's mom was moved to a retirement home today for hospice purposes. Apparently it's more of a status than a place and retirement homes are good for it because someone can be on hospice for days or weeks on months. Just stopping at that broad thought, I had this idea about a person around my age who just signs up for hospice because, after all, we are all dying just at different rates. So the person goes into a retirement home and has adventures or something. It has a very Woody Allen/Curb Your Enthusiasm feel to it. Not that I mean to make humor of a serious event or anything.

The Setting Sun

As the winter sun went around the planet today, the sharpness increased and hit the buildings and trees and fences. It was a sharpness in light and in shadow; the light being brighter which caused the shadow to seem stricter. Everything had a light and dark side, down the middle, and the tips of trees (where the branches become very thin) appeared frosted like white specks. The scene looked like an example of chiaroscuro in some painting; something I don't want to forget but that a camera cannot capture.

Another View

Everything in the world, apart from humans, is innocent. There is no desire to harm for harm's sake - the world is like a barb, able to move forward but to try to go against the grain brings pain. For example, poison ivy doesn't want to cause discomfort, it is people that want discomfort placed onto us. Our lack of understanding or knowledge or will force us to harm ourselves. It causes a person to rub a plant the wrong way or treat most animals as if they were harmless attractions. It's true that animals and plants develop behaviors or mechanisms to help with survival, but it's up to the forces that act on them if the threat of harm is even necessary. I don't know, this was a before sleep thought last night and I'm just now writing about it so it doesn't seem as clear. I won't write pre-sleep thoughts as I get them, though, because it would keep me from sleep.