Lost At Sea

Currently listening to:
Tonight I Have To Leave It
Shout Out Louds

I am an oasis. There is something about me that attracts certain people, and sometimes their friends. Many times, however, their friends do not understand or mesh with me. At that point, the relationship is given to certain limitations and I feel my access to their life is diminished while I, free-floating, remain open and welcome. And then I am an oasis.

If I Had An Orchard I'd Work 'Til I'm Sore

Skin pulled taut over the frame of a hand
baked, punctured, bumpy from irritation
silver ring turned black from hours of sweat.
The sun overhead boiling a pot of atmosphere
droplets of humidity excited by the heat
singe skin on contact.
Temporary home
with the cushioned bench by the window
facing a cemetery.

Tomorrow I head out for Kansas. It should be an easier park since there are only eight transects to do and they supposedly mowed and burned much of the area. We're staying in the housing at Fort Larned since they have the facilities and we're working for the government. However, it's likely the case that there won't be any internet to connect with; that and the rooming quarters are shared, so there is reason to hurry along. The first full day there is a day off, finally, but I've been told there isn't much to do there. I like sitting outside, looking at every little thing and nothing at the same time, anyway.
I need to write and send more postcards but it's hard to find the energy and I feel like I'm not deep enough into this living on the road to have anything particular to say about it.

First Week

It kind of feels like the first month is over already yet I've only been on the job three days, after training. Right now I'm in Oklahoma at Chickasaw. They tell me this is the worst park due to the heat and humidity and the way all the transects are - in dense vegetation. Originally we were supposed to leave for Kansas on Friday, but now it looks like I'll be there Saturday. I decided to take pictures of all the places I'm staying. I've been cut, rashed, stung, and stabbed by the environment out here. My hands looked very damaged by the end of today from chiggers and sweat; it's hard work.

I'm really tired and tomorrow we're going to try to do three transects, hopefully. Jill plans ahead with me on what we will do, then over thinks it and changes it based on what she wants to do. She micromanages herself. We are getting faster at completing transects but today we left at six and didn't start working until nine because the sites were hard to find and she wanted to go back and forth on the same paths. I think a true field leader needs to be even-minded, fit enough to handle a full day of work, not constantly make excuses and take responsibility.

I need to stop ranting all the time.

LBJ Grassland

Today we finished training at the LBJ grasslands, culminating in the completion of two transects. I learned a lot more plants and have done every part of the surveying we will be doing. Jill was a little snappy and tried to make an argument about an efficient way of doing something when we're almost done with a transect - tying up pvc pipes while the other is still working with theirs rather than keeping the rope packed until all pipes are together - and I called her out on it. The boss said she just didn't get as much sleep and was tired, but Jill also tried to excuse any future time she gets upset or angry as her being a woman who has a period. While that may be part of it, I think that's bullshit and there's no reason to let negative emotions affect the work we have to do. I've been here as long as she has and she's gotten flustered at least once a day while I haven't felt any negative emotions since I arrived.
She's also diabetic but ate a whole quart of iced cream in one night, drinks diet soda everyday, eats so much shit (junk food isn't food, but she also eats as much as I did when I was a teenager), and moans constantly as if she can't handle mornings. Suffice to say, I knew from the first day we worked together we would butt heads. The rest of the stuff is me and I admit it; she's just too much of an exaggerated mom for me.

In other news, they made an artificial heart using a rotor-motor which keeps blood moving continuously. It has not clogged or broke in any test subjects and so is considered to be better than any of the pulsing artificial hearts. This means that in anyone that gets the new heart, there is no heartbeat or pulse because blood is continuously pushed through. While this is slightly strange, what is also curious is what happens when someone using the heart is frightened or stressed. I don't know exactly what happens but it's the first thing I thought about when I read the article. I guess the blood would flow faster since normally a heart would beat faster.

First Day

Woke up at six today and went to a little bakery. We went to LBJ grasslands and, after a while, found the transect rebar and I went through the process of setting up the tapes. We only did one plot out of five, which is a fraction of a fraction of the work that must be done, but I feel like we made good time given that it was our first day and I'm totally new to it. I think they're happy with how I'm doing. I don't know a ton of names but I'm good at spotting plants that are passed over. I found the only poison ivy plot in the area. I can't escape that stuff.

My poison ivy is healing well, finally. I think the key is roughing it up and hurting it, then using the medicine so it really gets in.
Jill seems to get flustered easily when under the sun. I forget I'm with older people who need to be out of the sun once in a while. I was out there the whole time and only found it difficult when the sun was directly overhead, making everything almost to bright to see and make out details; everything gets super-real. So I think Jill may be bothersome to me eventually, though I won't show it, or course. She also farts loudly, then apologizes. I don't think people are really sorry when they do something and immediately apologize; if they were really sorry they wouldn't do it to begin with. I don't really like that aspect, it's just abrupt.

Marble Falls

Today I drove down to Marble Falls to my boss's house. She looks similar to what I pictured in my mind, an older Roseanne sort of woman. I met Jill, my partner intern, who is much older than I expected, perhaps around my mom's age. The drive was longer than I expected because of the constant traffic leaving Dallas. It was a pretty twisty route.

Jill had done this internship last summer and she and Tomye regaled me with tales of the last plant survey team and how one of the guys had hooked up with one of the young interpretation interns at one site (who always happen to be female). They suggested I might have some fun like that as well. I wonder how one of those young girls might interpret me. All in all, these ladies are pretty laid back, like I could talk about anything around them.

Tomorrow we wake up around eight, which apparently is any old time, to discuss all the aspects of the job. Then we head out to the LBJ grasslands on Tuesday, waking up early at six (I thought eight was early!) and doing one transect. We only have to do two slowly to get the procedure down and that will take us to Wednesday or Thursday, followed by a wrap-up. Everyone is very nice. I hope I live up to expectations.

Shadows in Bloom

Currently listening to:
I Know You Don't Love Me
Peter Bjorn and John

I know that I am a good person because of how calm and gentle I am, even when under the influence of a substance. Any mask can be worn by day-to-day but all that is stripped away with inhibition. That's when you know your true self. I'm pretty pleased with me, but I wish that could be in the day-to-day..