Feeling For Something Lost

That feeling of being lost - as in becoming conscious of a stretch of road on which all prior drives were experienced unconsciously - of becoming aware of your lack of awareness.

Refraction

The shadow of a raindrop is light.

Cross-section, Colorado

I was able to go to the DMV in Golden this week, purportedly a less busy and more well-off town. In fitting with the criteria of a DMV, a technical glitch was ongoing, therefore no processes could be started until they were running again.

The interesting thing about a DMV is that everyone must gather there at their determined time. Like death, the DMV seems to be a great equalizer; everyone had the same thing in common - we were in the same man-made State. I feel that makes it an unbiased sampling of the Colorado population. Not to mention it's a place where you can see all these different people wearing the same expression of frustration and anger.

I met one woman who called herself "Jessica of Illinois" who also had recently moved from out-of-state. She had another appointment to keep and I agreed to text her if things cleared up.

An elderly couple who were at least in their eighties sat across from me. The woman needed a photo ID despite her claim that she didn't drive anymore. Her head continually shook, whether from age or everlasting discontent, I couldn't tell. "I've been here since January," I exclaimed. "I didn't have a beard when I first entered!" She didn't laugh.

I was on the verge of hallucination and unconsciousness from having not eaten enough breakfast when Jessica of Illinois returned. She offered to buy a sandwich for me and I agreed to a bag of chips. Having lived in Fort Collins, a college town, I figure most of the people there were from other states. My short experience in Denver so far causes me to wonder if the majority of nice people in Colorado are transplants. Everywhere I go there is at least one disgruntled person who looks like they have always been here, and they are angry with services rendered by some employee or just at the general atmosphere. The switch has been flipped from reasoning to reptilian fight or flight (mostly fight, it seems).

One interesting person I observed was a teenager with a large body and baggy clothes, and a very small head that made his baby features seem squeezed like a lizard's physiognomy. His hair was like a samurai's, shaved with a folded bun on top. His expression looked so simple it was frightening.
***************
His mouth sprayed a mist of saliva when he opened it towards his food, anticipating. It was as if his body had no time for digestion, let alone the first bite.

First Movie in CO

Lost in Translation

The apartment is coming together after a new lamp here and a new storage bin there. There are some minor maintenance things I need to do, like grease door hinges and seal a gap in a screen door frame, but otherwise it's just unpacking books and rearranging things. My parents have been very helpful in this move, and the funny thing is others at work who made similar moves also had their parent's help, at all different ages and life stages. I would have had to leave some things behind and the packing and unpacking would have been much slower without their help.

I also get to use the 'firsts' tag again. My parents found a particular Great Harvest Bread Co. and got to know the owner. I went with them today.
You know you're in Colorado when you make an appointment with your baker to buy a loaf of bread.
It's a gouda bread made with stout beer instead of water. I'm looking forward to it, this Tuesday at 5PM. Maybe I'll get a postcard in the mail reminding me to make my next appointment, like with doctor's offices.

Wyoming and Back Again

Friday morning I left with some people from the Range Ecology club to Wyoming where a professor-turned-assessor was doing private land monitoring and restoration. Friday our group looked around and got some of the natural history of the area and began learning some of the prevalent species. Saturday and Sunday we participated in monitoring riparian areas by doing cross-sectional plant community and land type descriptions followed by green line descriptions in the same fashion. Roy, the land assessor, showed us his transect method which involved 100m tapes and triple nested quadrats. The paperwork he used caught the data in the same way as the Southern Plains Network, but felt much more vague in the presentation, which I suppose is different because of the how the land is being used. It wasn't so much a study as grasping the area and figuring out how to make it more useful to cattle without detriment to land.
Unfortunately, one of the bigger guys in the group turned out to be a snorer and his bellowing woke me up multiple times in the night. Since we started with breakfast at 6:30, I didn't get much sleep. Tonight I hope to finish my work quickly and try to catch up again. I think after this week things will slow down a bit, which will be nice.
Wednesday I have a meeting with someone involved with the Short Grass Steppe-Long Term Ecological Research center on campus. I had heard about a lab position which involved learning characteristics of Northeast Colorado plants and the categories they can be separated into; so it's a lab job that seems to come directly after field work. It's a work-study position and the university has given out all that money, but the lady there wants me to come in to chat and then show me the lab. I'm not sure if it's a job interview, so I'll have to wait and see. It's a small weekly hour requirement but I've felt swamped as is with my classes and clubs. Extra money would be nice, though.

Once Upon a Time In My Life

There's nothing really to say. Drank and watched Rocky Horror for the first time, with a couple friends. I still am not sure what I watched but it kept me asleep with weird dreams until noon; not to mention the Bonobo I listened to at the same time. I really couldn't stomach the gin I bought, even though every other time I tried it it seemed fine. So I ended up passing what was left in the bottle for ten dollars which was taking a serious hit. I'd rather have the ten dollars to apply to a bottle of Frangelica or something, though, I think.
Rebekah posted the date for her senior recital, but I can't go because of how removed I am, spatially and temporally. I wish I could go see her though that probably won't happen until she's out of school in her own place.
I don't feel like doing anything; it feels like half the semester should be over already. I can't believe I'm already this burned out. It would be nice to have just started working my way more into the NPS after this summer, to be actually doing something and making some money. There aren't really any campus jobs I can do right now and I'm busy enough with clubs and homework as it is.
I think I'll just nail out a homework assignment today and smoke and eat ramen. Maybe cook something for the future tonight. Blah..

Many Firsts

Two nights ago I spent the night with my friend Andrew. First we went to one of his coworkers' house for some pre-"gaming" before going to some music venue at a club. They seemed like good people but, according to Andrew, they all have some nasty characteristics once you get to know them. I probably won't ever get to know them because of the scene they associate with, and because they are much older than me.
The club was a little strange to me since I've never been to one before. The music was too loud to talk over; they played some electronic music. Two people were painting off to the side, I guess as paid entertainment? I stood in front of the speakers at one point and it felt like I was standing and there was another me passing through me, forward then backward, reverberating. When I explained that to Andrew he said I should follow the movements of the reverberating me to dance. I never really feel like dancing, if you can call it that, so I just stood around feeling awkward. I was there for Andrew anyway, and don't plan on being in a place like that again. Once more I got the feeling I was being watched and I kept catching people looking at me right before they turned away. I know I've posted about people staring at me and I still don't know what they're seeing. Probably my uncomfortableness and how much I didn't want to be there.
We finally left and went back to Andrew's which has a cool room in the attic with tan walls and a slanted white ceiling to reflect light. The room contained two tables, an armchair, two beds and the walls were mostly bookshelves. The purpose of the night was to try DMT for the first time which is released when you're born, die and sleep. We did it at the same time and became paralyzed; we couldn't really speak or move, only look around. The room, for me, became divided into three separate rooms: the empty bed with a couple carved chairs and bookshelves, the bed I was on facing the computer desk, and the armchair Andrew sat in with the other table and bookshelves. The empty bed room became very stylized, colors warm and vibrant, like the back of some 1950s cereal box. I never looked at Andrew, but the plate on the floor with the painted rim became figures dancing in a circle, and in the mirror over the table I saw myself sitting perfectly still and then the reflection started looking around and moving while I stared. There was also a phase where the entire room became painted like a child's paint-by-number, colorful splotches of paint representing things. It was also a little like Andy Warhol's style. I also saw a membrane on the inside of the room coating the walls; it was a soft gradient blue. I mentally enlarged it by pulling a section of wall towards me and saw a pattern of connected pentagons with a thin black line in the upper half of each pentagon. I didn't enlarge it anymore to see what was inside the line. Perhaps because I noticed it, the membrane began decomposing and was soon gone. Andrew would later tell me he saw the same thing and a variation of the painted sequence. It was like we shared a conscious lucid daydream.
All in all, it was very short, like an abridged mushroom journey, as if all the scenes that would happen with mushrooms were stitched together to make one confusing moment in space and time. I felt like we had lost an hour but it was probably five minutes. For the amount we did to get that effect and with how much it costs, I probably won't do it again. Mushrooms are a lot cheaper and more open in length and content. I have to say, though, that for how short DMT was I remember it very vividly days later.

Then last night I was up for four hours or so making beet burgers and a big salad. There's so many different veggies in each, I'm excited to eat them. I also made two cans of hummus today with my freshly opened spices. I could taste a difference in hummus with the old spices at home and the new ones here. Hopefully everything I bought will last at least three weeks if not four because I did spend a lot on groceries. Fortunately, the organic garden club I am with is still producing food and I've been given permission to take what I need. One of the managers said he's been taking excess home over the summer and composting it because there was just too much to use. So maybe I'll have free organic foods until the end of September, weather permitting.

My First Apartment

I know you guys have been waiting to hear about my new living situation. It's been a real roller coaster of emotion and uncertainty so I haven't felt okay to post.

I got in to Fort Collins about 6:30 on the 16th. It was raining and everyone was acting like they didn't know how to drive. It's interesting; everyone will speed in snow but not know how to drive in the rain, and in St. Louis it was the other way around.
So I started checking in to the complex but with someone who doesn't normally check people in, so it wasn't until nine that I was fully checked in and I was basically told to figure out the papers myself.

The apartment itself wasn't what I imagined in my head. It's as if they wanted to give as much space as possible but compress it like tetris pieces; the whole things is more like an efficiency apartment. The living room is pretty neglected, containing matchstick furniture with cheap cushions. Other than that it's empty. My roommate keeps all of his stuff in his room, including TV.

Josh has been living here for four months. He was in the smaller bedroom (now mine) until his roommate left, then he switched to the larger room which is roughly twice as big and only thirty dollars more a month. He doesn't really cook but is healthy in the way he eats, though I think he forgets about his food since I had to throw out some moldy bread and sour milk. His facial hair is very sharp, sort of like a greaser or one of those old-time guys with curled mustaches. He wants to be a brewer even though his degree is in natural resources, and he has been working at one of the microbreweries. He seems to get free beer and he drinks a lot, the way I drink lots of water.

The building is two stories with living room and kitchen on the first floor and bedrooms and bathroom on the second. The bathroom is very compact like mine at home, but is a bland white with hospital lighting (the whole apartment has hospital lighting); it's not the sort of bathroom one would want to hang out in. Like I said, my room is the smaller one and I was hoping to be able to finally have a full size bed, but it took up almost half the room! There was no room for my bookcase or for me to access my closet so I had to switch it out for a twin. While it fits me, it kills my chances at cuddling or napping with someone which upsets me. There's a chance Josh will be moving in with his brother because he doesn't really like these college apartments, in which case I could probably take his room and get the full bed.

None of the buildings have AC and they aren't built to catch a breeze. Architecturally this is a very big no-no, you have to have one or the other. I'm not terribly disappointed, though, because I know most of the school year is basically like winter; but it's been a lot hotter and more humid than it should be so who knows.

Unpacking is going well. The bed has been switched and the internet will be reconnected to my room soon. It's difficult to grocery shop right now because I don't know exactly what I need on hand. I bought some boca burgers to hold me until I figure it out. I think Sunday will be my first cooking day with my appliances and I'll be making beetroot burgers! I rekindled relations with a lot of my friends from last year. Last night was a big drinking night and I never made it home, the smart thing to do. Tomorrow I may get together with a friend who has a lot of connections and see a music show and try some new stuff. I probably won't be getting home that night either.

I think that's all I can think of to write about for now. I think all of my emotional issues with how this apartment is stems from having a vision of coming to my furnished apartment and then the realization that I'll have to unpack overwhelms me. Also I've been spoiled my whole life in having lots of space to myself which I think is why I'm such a territorial person and have a hard time adapting to new smaller spaces.

First Day

Woke up at six today and went to a little bakery. We went to LBJ grasslands and, after a while, found the transect rebar and I went through the process of setting up the tapes. We only did one plot out of five, which is a fraction of a fraction of the work that must be done, but I feel like we made good time given that it was our first day and I'm totally new to it. I think they're happy with how I'm doing. I don't know a ton of names but I'm good at spotting plants that are passed over. I found the only poison ivy plot in the area. I can't escape that stuff.

My poison ivy is healing well, finally. I think the key is roughing it up and hurting it, then using the medicine so it really gets in.
Jill seems to get flustered easily when under the sun. I forget I'm with older people who need to be out of the sun once in a while. I was out there the whole time and only found it difficult when the sun was directly overhead, making everything almost to bright to see and make out details; everything gets super-real. So I think Jill may be bothersome to me eventually, though I won't show it, or course. She also farts loudly, then apologizes. I don't think people are really sorry when they do something and immediately apologize; if they were really sorry they wouldn't do it to begin with. I don't really like that aspect, it's just abrupt.

Camping

Currently listening to:
In the Morning
Norah Jones

"Now the cities we live in could be distant stars
And I search for you in every passing car."
*****
Another late post. It seems in college I won't be able to focus to record daily events as they happen.

Well, Friday I got the scores back for my biology test (95) and calculus test (80). I need to work a bit more on math, I guess. Carly and I had planned a one-on-one camping trip and it actually happened. We left on Saturday after eating and getting some orange juice and soy milk to go. We decorated my car with feathers and a string of pine cones and loaded an old swivel living room chair along with our blankets and such. Kiersten, our RA, caught us before we left and let us borrow her tent.
Then we went to a thrift store called "Thrift Store" to look for one of those aged iconic sweaters with blocky pictographs of trees or houses on it. There was nothing like that, but Carly found an 80s/90s jacket that looks like something my mom would have worn. I bought a "drug rug" which is the closest thing they had to a Mexican poncho. I really want one of those blanket ponchos with the head slit you slip on. And then we left.
We drove around an hour and a half into the mountains, stopping the while to barefoot the Poudre river and collect wood. After looking down a couple dirt roads, we found a nice spot surrounded by trees and with two fire pits: a large one and a small baby one. The tent ended up next to the small one. Farther down the dirt road since of erosion appeared and large roots seemed to have grown along the surface; the road sort of curved and became more vertical as it did so until it evened out at the next camping spots and eventually the main road. Each camp spot had some wood to take from, and I saw many stumps. During the night I actually heard campers pulling in nearby start chopping at trees. There should probably be a law against that.
So we built a fire and drank kava and cooked dinner and opened some alcohol. I turned on the car so we could listen to Regina and Grizzly Bear and Norah Jones. Once it got dark I felt like I was twirling in space because it was too dark to see the ground and the slope caused missteps which sent me facing the other direction. I gathered a bunch of pine cones and tossed them into the fire and they caught fire on the bottom, a little crystal of light on each platform shelf. Tier by tier the flames move upward until the cone is engulfed and burned until there's nothing more to burn, and each shelf retains a bright glow. The whole thing falls with a touch. It was so dark so quickly that we decided to turn in. The fire was smoldering and we used up one gallon of water so we left it, and it was still smoldering by morning.
She's a little snorer;I didn't get a lot of sleep. I had to unroll my sleeping bag later when it became much colder. In the morning we saw a chipmunk scamper near our site. Carly set up her chair in the woods with the framed owl stitched art and thin floor mat, to photograph. I think the ones with her in them are the best, but she liked the idea of the empty chair. Then we loaded up and went to see the spot where I did my vision quest. I think she was impressed with the view. I still have to write up the short story version of it, but I finished the poem. After that, we headed back. That's all I can think of right now.

Just a Quick Update

Friday I took a biology and calculus test. I know I aced the bio test, and I know I passed the calc test.

Walking in the courtyard in front of the library, this spiky fruit dropped right in front of me. It was an unripened Ohio buckeye and the squirrel that had dropped it got another and scampered down and away. So I carried the fruit all the way to the dorm and said to Jen, "look what a squirrel threw at me." For some reason this really cracked her up and it has been repeated throughout the weekend.
Also, before the calculus test, I was studying and a squirrel ran up the tree I was under and started eating the maple seeds, dropping crumbs on me all the while. So silly.

That night, I did an alcohol run for three groups of people and between all the money I was given, I ended up with six dollars myself, after giving back change to a couple people. I didn't even have to drive! Really, though, a tip should be given. On the way back, the car lit up and hotboxed back to the dorm. Then Jen appeared because we had a paint date, and Kalyn came in for a while. We discussed things and decided to do the kava which had come to me in the mail. So I made a large smoothie with whole milk, orange-kiwi-strawberry-banana juice, and the root. I had the most with Jen having almost the same amount; Kalyn took the least and couldn't stomach it so she gave half to my roommate. She seemed to regret it a little, because Jen and I were all peaceful and giggly after a while. We sat in the hallway, after painting, and some people joined including my RA and her boyfriend and the RA on the adjacent hall. They knew we were on stuff and were having a good time with it.
That night I had really vivid dreams about the first day of school, but I can't remember what school it was or any details. My body was relaxed and desensitized. My roommate's alarm went off and he turned it off and went back to sleep, and after that I couldn't really get back into the place I was in. I'm over that kid and am ready to live in a single situation next year.

Also, this weekend the floor did a minor craft period and Kiersten, my RA, showed me how to use hemp to make bracelets. So I made two in two different styles, then wove the extra strings together so that they had a rat-tail of sorts. I didn't paint a door-stop, but we all had tea and it was a lovely time.

This College

Currently listening to:
Summer Babe
Pavement

Another strange night. Since it was Friday, everyone was trying to find a party. So there was one group I was with doing pre-drinking and they switched rooms and I went to visit other people. When I came back there was another group, all the less partying people of the floor, waiting outside the room for the other group so that they could go to a party with them. John Beasley and his 16 year-old friend Adam came out and scooped me away to the forest to smoke. We talked and smoked and I came to realize that many of the guys here (likely of the same temperament as John and Adam) have sex high up on their list of priorities right now. They spoke of their memories and hopes for a sexual night. Then headlights passed over us and John said "Oh, shit!" and ran. Adam and I got up and ran, too, all three of us going different directions. As I ran, the light passed over me and seemed to come back and focus and grow larger on me. I was running through a dark room, all natural light vanished as I tore through bushes and vines; all I could see was a fence above me with an orange artificial light glowing through the metal bars. I jumped it and was lost, but came to find I was at the front courtyard to my dorm. I walked nonchalantly back to the side door and saw the red and blue police light stopped in the forest. Perhaps it had caught someone? But everyone had gotten away.

I went back to the dorm to find the groups still waiting around. I went in the room and told the tale. The group outside left and we soon followed, but I had to grab a jacket and they left me. After waiting around where they said they were, I found out they had already left for a house party. So I went there and was stopped at the door because I didn't know the house owners. Eventually I got in, and I really wish I hadn't. There were probably a hundred people in the small front of the house and John told me there were two hundred more in the backyard. My friend Maiwand had followed my friends to the party and he was out of place but didn't seem to notice. He's from Afghanistan. He related that he hadn't really had anything to drink and wasn't too into socializing because the people there were only interested in "baggy pants." I talked to a couple people but I just wasn't comfortable, like a plant watered with salt I was suffocating and lost my night high immediately. I left. Maiwand said he wanted to stay longer to watch people.

I always try to follow my heart.
Back at the dorm I visited in Anna's room, then Carly's. Perspective is different in these states and it seems as if people are giving weird looks, but they probably aren't.

I'm glad I started out at a small college like Webster. This sort of large college makes the demographic of party goers seem very large.

Eatable

Yesterday I ate a pot cookie, only I should have eaten just half of it because I'm skinny and susceptible to pot. So I did that at 1 PM and by 2 I thought I was going to be sick, so I lay down on the floor to nap. I had my legs over each other and it felt like the melded into a fin, like a merhuman. I didn't throw up like last time, though. I don't have much comfortable luck with that drug.
Grabbed a late dinner at 7 where I ran into Maiwand and Jen Ralph and Azra. Suddenly I was in Sam's room with a bunch of girls and I was a little stoned still and Sydney asked if I was high because I was spacey, and I said I didn't think that changed much from day to day, and everyone else agreed. We all drank and then they left to seek parties. This is a big house party sort of school.
I think when there's a meteor shower, I can arrange some people to go back into the mountains to truly see it.

"If someone wants a sheep, then that means that he exists." -Antione de Saint-Exupery

At first when I saw this quote I thought it meant the person that wants the sheep exists. After the cookie hit me I knew that it was the sheep that existed. You can't want something that doesn't exist, or that you don't know!

Visions

Friday evening I headed for Estes State Park for the free camp sites so I could try to do a vision quest. It was a successful first attempt, even though it was only for a day, though not in the way I expected. Vision probably means more like "insight," but if you do it for the usual three days, I guess the term may apply in other ways.

I met a couple nice people there, Beth and Roger and their part blue heeler, who took my name down in case I went missing. After the night, I approached their campsite again and the blue heeler actually came out to greet me. I take that to be a good sign. It's given me lots to think about and I'll probably write a poem and story and paint about the experience.

I got back Saturday morning and the day kind of drifted away from there. Hopefully tomorrow night there will be a hookah outing. It will be my first time.

Summer Skin/Arrival

Some more things from the drive, including the last hundred miles into campus on Thursday:

1. Bug death; each time I got gas I cleaned the windshield and right when I started driving again, bugs cast themselves against the glass. I do believe there is a way of flying which spares most of them, but then again, it would be the way the current flows over the car at that time. At the same time, I passed through a butterfly meadow and they smacked left and right, leaving smears of body on the shield. The 18-wheeler in front of me left a road covered in cloudless sulphers (probably) which would flutter their one working wing. I hope they didn't suffer long. That's the first time I've been down a road with so much insect life in it.

2. Then there's the oversize load vehicles carrying huge empty spools, or giant spheres, or vats of pickles or something. They're never very obvious as to what they belong to as a whole. Sometimes I wonder if the government is building something and they increased the proportions so that it wouldn't be obvious as to what it is in part.
*****
I got in and there was heavy traffic because the town is small and the lanes are few. After some hours in line, I swirled around and got a spot in the lot next to my dorm. Moved in with my roommate and his father's help.
The dorm is a single room. We got lucky and ended up next to a janitorial closet, so its just a two person room with its own bathroom. The shower is large. The mirror and sink are directly next to the door when you enter. There is a housekeeping service once a week.

There was some programming and food and a carnival. Basically everyone I met is a freshman, I haven't come across any dorm-living transfers or upper classmen. The group I was hanging out with found out I was 21 (even though I openly mentioned it) and sort of teased me about hanging out with them. So I chill-ly asked why it mattered since I was new. I don't think I'll live in dorms after this year ends.

The days are warm and the nights are very cool and I've seen clouds in such detail I had never seen in Texas. There are very many trees here and one spot called "Sherwood Forest" which contains a specimen of every native tree in Colorado.

The cafeterias are all-you-can-eat madness. Swarms mobbing counters and grabbing seats. It will be interesting to see the dynamic once people get into their school schedules and can't eat as a floor any longer.

I'm still waiting to sign up for my calculus class so I can go buy the material, hopefully before the first day of class. I met a girl named Carly whom I vaguely remembered from the lame meet the hall activity. She seems pretty hippie-ish, but I don't really know her yet. Also, another girl named Shannon keeps popping up. Since it's impossible to find people on facebook without a last name, I'm going to get numbers.

Today I got lost, as I'm sure I will much more often. It was after the major fair where I learned both philosophy and English departments have a lack of clubs to join. Then on the way to the dorm I got lost and found one of the guys from behind the philosophy table who is a grad student who gets free housing and class in exchange for TA duties. So we discussed philosophy and got on the topic of ethnobotanicals and schizophrenics and the such. He has a curly beard.

So, here's some more pictures from the road and my side of the dorm:

Leaving

Currently listening to:
Mrs. Cold
Kings of Convenience

Last night I packed fully. It's strange how easy it is to not pack when you're nervous about leaving.

Then I woke up at 7 AM and loaded the car. I've seen so much in such a short time that I stopped seeing. It will probably be easier to do minor summaries. I phrased everything very well in my head while driving, but now I'm tired so I'll do my best.

Rubber debris blackens the road in front of me so I know a tire burst at some point. The 18-wheeler in front of me edges off the road, one of the front tires missing its rubber, the steel scraping along.

18-wheelers, like giant chess pieces, careen by, swirling the air into a fist which rips past me and sounds like a sword slicing through thick fabric.

A highway was under repair. One of the two lanes was being replaced so both directions of traffic had to take turns on 6.5 miles of one lane. Those not in the front had little idea what they were waiting for.

I pass little towns less and less frequently. Despite it being the middle of the week and in the afternoon, most stores are closed. These far in between towns are the only available refueling points between the large cities. Honestly it felt like they were dying; they shrivel up with the economy and those that can get away go to the concentrated large cities. What this means for people trying to travel in the sparse West, I'm not sure.

The landscape of the high plains of Texas was surprisingly hilly with tree clusters. This turned into flatland which turned into a sort of grassland with plateaus. The scarcity of humanity crept up on my after a time and were it not for my phone, I might have gone crazy. The lack of towns and the vastness of nature greatly unnerved me and at times I thought it would go on forever. Signs were also absent, as if those living out here don't think in terms of miles.

By the end of the day I had driven twelve hours and probably an extra seventy-five miles than planned, looking for a suitable motel. Everyone stopped texting me since I'd pestered them all day. They got me through the day, though - so thanks, guys! The sky at the end of the day was full of cirrus and stratus clouds which looked like innumerable fish skeletons on the horizon.

Tomorrow I move into CSU. Crap.

Heartbeats

Currently listening to:
Slippin'
Quadron

Took a math test today, then prepared for the bed picnic. I wasn't sure if I would follow through with it since it's something new to me. In the end, preparations were underway and the "grounds" were set up and the guests arrived.

I had trouble getting into it, so I cheated and had a couple shots to sort of sense the things they might say. And we spoke of many things like books and philosophy and love; conversation really bounced around with these guys. Maybe someday it will come more naturally, second nature. Good practice, though.

I'll throw on a few pictures and put the rest on Facebook-

I think I need real friends to do this with; friends with eyes. I'm not sure if their eyes are creepier as black holes or as realistic eyes. At the least they could have those shiny button eyes...
*****
Then I went to Eatzi's with my parents before seeing Jonathan's play, The Umbrella Play by P Seth Bauer. It was a very good play about human relationships and how rain can bring people closer and loosen the walls we all have around us. I'm thinking of getting a copy, but I heard a lot of the magic in the play was director/actor character decision, so I guess once it's over it's lost except in memory.

I'm not sure how I feel about actors. I used to not trust them as much because I wasn't sure if they were being honest with who they are toward me. I suppose I still don't trust them to some degree, but I think I respect them more than I used to. They are sort of like little romanticists, always trading faces. I wonder if it's to find the face they really like and then they will be that character the rest of their lives. I really get wrapped up in plays; maybe I just like living vicariously through the actors.
After the show I did the awkward brief conversations I have with people I used to know in high school. Kayla and I had one of those extremely long hugs from back in those days; like five to ten minute hugs. Apparently we started swaying to the leaving music which must have looked pretty funny. She said she got a new phone but thinks she added my number, and that we and maybe Jonathan should have another summer get together like we did last summer. It really made my night.

Thick Sound

Currently listening to:
The Suburbs
Arcade Fire

I think my chigger bits might actually be poison ivy again. This would be the first time it has itched, though. It really itches.
*****
Tonight, tonight, tonight. I went to the Lakewood Bar and Grill with Jonathan. The grill was closed so Jonathan didn't get any food and he couldn't do the bar because he corrected the doorman and said he was under twenty-one.

Why go to a bar? For the experience and to see a band.
I don't understand bars, they never have drink menus so I don't know names or prices; but they have every bottle of alcohol known to man.

The conversation went something like this:
Barmaid: I can't have minors at the bar.
[Jonathan scuttles away]
Me: I just turned twenty-one recently so I'm new to this. Give me the girliest drink you have.
Barmaid: Seriously?
Me: Well, uh, no.
Barmaid: Want a beer?
Me: No, I just drink alcohol. (oops, meant liquor) How about a mojito?
Barmaid: No.
Me: I'll take a margarita.
Then she explained that the bar keeps my card, sort of like a running tab or something. I'm not sure why.
So, I don't know why I couldn't get a mojito since that's a sort of mixed drink. I think I need to wikihow "getting your first drink at a bar" or just memorize a bunch of drink names. I should know what I'm doing in there.

Anyway, after I sufficiently embarrassed myself, I sat down for the real reason I was there: to hear Regatta de Faux. It's a Police cover band featuring my Brookhaven Composition professor, Hurshel Burton, and two other guys. Hurshel plays bass and does lead vocals, which Jonathan said is a weird combination. I bet no one else there knew Hurshel is an English PhD by day. As he said, "They just think it's another little black guy up there."

Pictures:




Some of that message in a boooootle.

Jonathan was having a blast.

We saw a lady who went between two guys, some weird love triangle. There was a long haired guy with a big beard who danced the whole time and it was funny watching people try to walk around him because of his erratic bobbing. There were barflies that couldn't get comfortable, so they moved from one side of the building to the other, constantly. A group for a bachelorette party showed up to claim their reserved tables. They screamed a lot and told each other to "shut up" in that friendly sort of way, all before their drinks ever showed up. It was kind of like a group of little girls somehow got into the place. I guess there's always one night where adults don't act their ages. Left me pretty confused.

After the set, Hurshel gave me a quick chat and said we should do sushi once more. I definitely think I'll message him about that before school starts!

To New Beginnings

Currently Listening to:
In Between Days
The Cure

Friends,
Once more I take up the art of blogging. After seeing my middle/high school LiveJournal again, the nostalgia of the mundane really hit me so I felt a strong inclination to begin again, for future reminiscence.

The progression I have noticed since the days of LiveJournal and Xanga (though they still exist so those days must still be happening for someone) is that the patience and sincerity of relating things has severely diminished. Myspace and Facebook have the option of blogging, but they really aren't set up for anything greater than spontaneous one-liner statuses. I guess most of the people from that older time are lazy or "have no time" to blog, though they have time to keep refreshing their Facebook page.. Anyway, I hope to regain something of that past here, on this platform new to me.

Gosh. I thought a lot about what I would say for my first entry, but all that's coming back to me is a vague summary. I think that's how it is with writers; that's why they always have a notepad on their respective body.
*****
Well- I think it would be good to toss in a couple pictures:


My room, without all the sheets on, on a rainy day. You can't really tell but it was very green outside. All the plants were excited and radiant and their aura washed into the room and bounced off my bed sheet.



Here's my new old car: a 2004 Toyota Highlander. It's a smooth ride with average fuel efficiency. When the sun hits it, it looks a lot more gold-colored. I named it Aethon after one of the steeds that pulls Helios' chariot (the sun) across the sky. I bet Scott would like that.

*****

Last night, Dandelion and I exchanged mix tapes. I love the familiarity and meaningfulness of hers. I hope mine met whatever expectations she had.

I also fully started my Summer II schedule. I work from 8-3:30 or so and have class after that until 8:10, then is homework. I'll find a way to fit in what's important.