When I talk to people, they are real. They seem to have lives going on, are three-dimensional beings. When we stop talking, they are still real. But at the same time, they are so many paper dolls scattered on the floor. Doesn't make much sense, does it? A paper doll seen up close is obviously a doll, but from far away they seem like they could be living, breathing. After examining someone they turn to paper dolls somehow. Some are more real, though.
I found a postcard of Dallas, downtown, all aglow. For some reason I couldn't put it back in my drawer. Is this where I belong? Is this my home? It made me reminisce, stirred things up in me. I think I'll take it back to Colorado.
Merle comes in when certain songs are playing on the radio. I think she realizes certain beats make me move a certain way, and pet a certain way. I think she likes it when I pat out beats on her.
*****
Yesterday I was sitting in a tree waiting for Dandelion and this cat came over to me. She laid in my lap and I pet her. Then these bible women came over and I told them what they wanted to hear, and the cat made its way down to them and followed them back to their car. After they drove off, I couldn't see the cat and figured they had taken her away (she had a collar but no tags). So I climbed down for a bit and soon she was following me. We went back in the tree. Dandelion drove up as I was going down to get my camera, and when we came back out, the cat had followed us to my yard. She did a funny run-dance to come back over to us.
She's no Smokey Mountain, more like Hobbes. Dandelion called her Samsonite - what an odd name. So we played around the tree, then the three of us went walking around the alley. Samsonite always lagged a little behind but examined things after we had left. When we were crossing the street to the dandelion field, Samsonite was still in the alley meowing after us. So we went back to her but she sped off last minute, then followed us back to the street.
Tonight Dandelion and I took another go at wine making, this time with Strawberries. At the grocery I brought my change so I could trade all my metal for a few pieces of paper. She pushed all the coins through and I can only imagine how her hands smelled, since I'm sick. I don't like being the friend that's sick, I feel like it dampens the mood having to run for a tissue all the time. So we made the wine in a gallon jug since the Mr. Beer container was taken back by her ex. I hope the yeast is still operable, or enough. I also met her new boyfriend. I don't know.
Tuesday, November 23, 2010
Sunday, November 21, 2010
Tuesday, November 16, 2010
Trust
There was some discussion of fellatio today, I guess because it's the thing to do these days. I thought about the topic afterward and confirmed that each time I imagine the act of a blowjob I can't help but acknowledge being at the female's mercy. There is a definite vulnerability in having a part of oneself within one of the more powerful moving parts of the human body. So, on that note, I have come to the conclusion that any time I allow myself to be in that situation, I would have complete trust in my companion; much like a dog allowing someone to nuzzle their head against its neck, or lifting its front legs from behind so that it stands up on two legs.
On a separate note, I had one of those in-between dreams when you're just beginning to fall asleep. Essentially, my roommate and I are in disagreement (much like in reality) and he presents me with two buttons: one, he says, will erase him from existence and the other would bring him back. The logistics are that if he ceases to exist, either his belongings would also vanish and a scenario in which my roommate had never showed up would play out, OR his belongings would remain and a scenario in which another roommate with a similar taste in belongings had always been there.
In any case, I pressed the button, playing along, and he vanished. I figured I'd press the other button, and he came back and went on about how a certain responsibility comes with such a device. Then he picked up the button that returned him and I pressed the other button, erasing his existence and that of the other button. The rest of the dream is a consideration of going through life erasing people that were bad or that were about to cause me harm, perhaps even some I thought were in my way.
The idea of the button is strange. I think the saying goes something like "if I had a button that would remove you from existence, I'd press it" or "be careful what you wish for." It's an interesting concept to think about, the ways it would alter reality and shuffle time (maybe?). Perhaps people are dangerous in mentality than physicality. Naturally, someone stronger or faster poses some danger, but a certain mentality is needed to actually make the person dangerous. I think it's the willingness to press the button. I would venture to guess that someone buff is just as dangerous as a child that speaks of a particular button.
I don't particularly like this school, nor many of the people here. I don't mean I have negative feelings towards them, just that they are the sort I can see myself losing contact with if we're separated. It leaves me sad, almost as much as my inability to find a fitting counterpart here. I guess it's just one of those lonely hollow-feeling days. I can't wait for the long drive home and seeing Dandelion again.
On a separate note, I had one of those in-between dreams when you're just beginning to fall asleep. Essentially, my roommate and I are in disagreement (much like in reality) and he presents me with two buttons: one, he says, will erase him from existence and the other would bring him back. The logistics are that if he ceases to exist, either his belongings would also vanish and a scenario in which my roommate had never showed up would play out, OR his belongings would remain and a scenario in which another roommate with a similar taste in belongings had always been there.
In any case, I pressed the button, playing along, and he vanished. I figured I'd press the other button, and he came back and went on about how a certain responsibility comes with such a device. Then he picked up the button that returned him and I pressed the other button, erasing his existence and that of the other button. The rest of the dream is a consideration of going through life erasing people that were bad or that were about to cause me harm, perhaps even some I thought were in my way.
The idea of the button is strange. I think the saying goes something like "if I had a button that would remove you from existence, I'd press it" or "be careful what you wish for." It's an interesting concept to think about, the ways it would alter reality and shuffle time (maybe?). Perhaps people are dangerous in mentality than physicality. Naturally, someone stronger or faster poses some danger, but a certain mentality is needed to actually make the person dangerous. I think it's the willingness to press the button. I would venture to guess that someone buff is just as dangerous as a child that speaks of a particular button.
I don't particularly like this school, nor many of the people here. I don't mean I have negative feelings towards them, just that they are the sort I can see myself losing contact with if we're separated. It leaves me sad, almost as much as my inability to find a fitting counterpart here. I guess it's just one of those lonely hollow-feeling days. I can't wait for the long drive home and seeing Dandelion again.
Monday, November 8, 2010
Aspectus Exceptio
Currently listening to:
Ramblin' Woman
Cat Power
In my GIS class we were discussing how maps convey information and that a particular satellite takes pictures at a 30m accuracy, so each pixel is the equivalent of 30 meters squared. To give a map or other image more resolution, the amount of pixels is increased. However, you can't just get these pixels out of the air, you're limited by the amount of pixels a camera, or the human eye, can take in to make an image. Images that take on more pixels do so by splitting each pixel into four of the same color and so on. It's interesting to ponder what we really see and wonder about all we miss out on because of the limitation of our inner (and outer) cameras. It's a lot to ask to see things with greater accuracy in terms of pixels, so I'd like to see things in their true colors as opposed to the ones they reflect.
I think light contributes to and is affected by drugs.
The world is photo realistic.
Ramblin' Woman
Cat Power
In my GIS class we were discussing how maps convey information and that a particular satellite takes pictures at a 30m accuracy, so each pixel is the equivalent of 30 meters squared. To give a map or other image more resolution, the amount of pixels is increased. However, you can't just get these pixels out of the air, you're limited by the amount of pixels a camera, or the human eye, can take in to make an image. Images that take on more pixels do so by splitting each pixel into four of the same color and so on. It's interesting to ponder what we really see and wonder about all we miss out on because of the limitation of our inner (and outer) cameras. It's a lot to ask to see things with greater accuracy in terms of pixels, so I'd like to see things in their true colors as opposed to the ones they reflect.
I think light contributes to and is affected by drugs.
The world is photo realistic.
Saturday, November 6, 2010
Room to Myself on a Friday Night
I've started gathering songs for another mix CD. I like to think I'm pretty good at selecting the right songs.
*****
The world in a hallway is pretty flat; focuses become more than 3D. People pop out like figures in a pop-up book. Someone enters one door and goes through the bathroom of the suite and exits the other door. It's obvious what has happened yet it's fresh and novel once more - "of course it ended up that way!"
Mikenzie and her roommate Grace are interesting people, the banter between them is witty and fast. Mikenzie speaks or does something once in a while that sets the atmospheric mood to noir, like being in an old detective movie. It's strange to do nothing and yet so much at the same time.
*****
The world in a hallway is pretty flat; focuses become more than 3D. People pop out like figures in a pop-up book. Someone enters one door and goes through the bathroom of the suite and exits the other door. It's obvious what has happened yet it's fresh and novel once more - "of course it ended up that way!"
Mikenzie and her roommate Grace are interesting people, the banter between them is witty and fast. Mikenzie speaks or does something once in a while that sets the atmospheric mood to noir, like being in an old detective movie. It's strange to do nothing and yet so much at the same time.
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