Trust

There was some discussion of fellatio today, I guess because it's the thing to do these days. I thought about the topic afterward and confirmed that each time I imagine the act of a blowjob I can't help but acknowledge being at the female's mercy. There is a definite vulnerability in having a part of oneself within one of the more powerful moving parts of the human body. So, on that note, I have come to the conclusion that any time I allow myself to be in that situation, I would have complete trust in my companion; much like a dog allowing someone to nuzzle their head against its neck, or lifting its front legs from behind so that it stands up on two legs.

On a separate note, I had one of those in-between dreams when you're just beginning to fall asleep. Essentially, my roommate and I are in disagreement (much like in reality) and he presents me with two buttons: one, he says, will erase him from existence and the other would bring him back. The logistics are that if he ceases to exist, either his belongings would also vanish and a scenario in which my roommate had never showed up would play out, OR his belongings would remain and a scenario in which another roommate with a similar taste in belongings had always been there.
In any case, I pressed the button, playing along, and he vanished. I figured I'd press the other button, and he came back and went on about how a certain responsibility comes with such a device. Then he picked up the button that returned him and I pressed the other button, erasing his existence and that of the other button. The rest of the dream is a consideration of going through life erasing people that were bad or that were about to cause me harm, perhaps even some I thought were in my way.
The idea of the button is strange. I think the saying goes something like "if I had a button that would remove you from existence, I'd press it" or "be careful what you wish for." It's an interesting concept to think about, the ways it would alter reality and shuffle time (maybe?). Perhaps people are dangerous in mentality than physicality. Naturally, someone stronger or faster poses some danger, but a certain mentality is needed to actually make the person dangerous. I think it's the willingness to press the button. I would venture to guess that someone buff is just as dangerous as a child that speaks of a particular button.

I don't particularly like this school, nor many of the people here. I don't mean I have negative feelings towards them, just that they are the sort I can see myself losing contact with if we're separated. It leaves me sad, almost as much as my inability to find a fitting counterpart here. I guess it's just one of those lonely hollow-feeling days. I can't wait for the long drive home and seeing Dandelion again.