Moving Wind

So one time in the field we were working and I heard a sound. It was a sort of hollow sound coming toward us and I saw the sound as a ball of wind moving across the field, which is saying something since all the grass was less than an inch high and crisp. So this ball of wind/sound moved and stopped with one of us at its center, then moved on across the field.

Later tonight, Chris and I met up with Tyler, who would have been the field leader if the grass and fire crew had stayed together this season. He had a few beers at a Mexican restaurant with bad service and some gin before walking to the movie theatre. Chris and I got beer at the grocery store to have during the movie. We watched Cowboys and Aliens and poked fun and Chris knocked over all his bottles. It was just a lot of fun.

Shit Show

Today was terrible. Since the new intern joined up with us yesterday I took that to be a good sign since he seemed to be good company. However, I didn't realize that having a third worker meant that things would change and she wouldn't keep out personal matters since she didn't really need me anymore.

We started off the day and were looking for the transect and our run with Fort Union has been pretty bad because so many rebar haven't been found and it was believed to be a mistake in the parameters of the GPS unit. So, of course, we couldn't find the first rebar and after a few minutes I commented that if we didn't find it we should call Tomye and ask what to do. So we went on looking and Chris and I started joking with each other about how the bars were never there, while we were looking. One of the jokes was "The Hardy Boys and the Case of the Missing Rebar" and I sent that to Tomye who thought it was funny.

Apparently, Tomye sent a message to Jill saying how much time to spend looking for rebar. At the time I was taking a little break near where the first rebar was supposed to be. Suddenly I hear this yelling and cursing; Jill was yelling at me to start looking again. So I started going again and Chris, who worked with her last year, said she had yelled at him a couple times last year and blamed it later on her diabetes or "girl thing." She's always making excuses and not just taking responsibility for things.

Eventually she came back to the original point after doing her 100+ meter radius (our transects are only 50 meters). She told Chris to start working and me to come with her to the car. That's when my stomach started hurting. She took the spare car key from me and basically put me in time-out by the car for that transect. The whole situation felt like a mom towards her son who had done something wrong. I told her I had only sent a joke and that I was only taking a break when she yelled. She told me to think about what I'd done and went to work, leaving me by the car without water.

The rest of the day I had a stomach ache and my hands would shake when I was around her. I knew that it was because of fear. I've been afraid of her most of the summer because of how unpredictable, and therefore dangerous, she is with her personality tweaks. I've never felt this afraid, though. Chris was a good guy and he couldn't believe all he'd seen.

I knew I couldn't trust her. She's overreacted before. This was just a terrible, depressing day and there's still a lot more to go. If she tries to put me in time-out again I'll call Tomye because I'm not fifteen and I'm here to work and I do good work and never let personal feelings interfere.

Runaway

Currently listening to:
So This Is Goodbye
William Fitzsimmons

I saw a jack rabbit today in the field. It was sized like a small dog and moved like a deer, several trots then a leap. It leapt away from me and a new intern that joined us (I like to think it was because the other intern was there) and stopped and looked back at us with those tall ears rising high above the grass. I imagined my spirit projecting out of me to run and play with that rabbit.

This Isn't Happiness

Why do I keep getting a fucking king sized bed when it's just me? Jesus Christ. I just want to go home and smoke and escape myself.

A Song

I saw an interesting music video today where a woman is tied up in a trunk and a guy is driving the car down some lonely country road, looking out the window. Eventually the car is stopped and the man lets the woman out of the trunk, unties her and hands over the rope. She then ties him up and puts him in the trunk. The video begins and ends with the woman tied up on the road with a piece of chalk drawing x's on the ground.

I read an interesting interpretation. It's a sort of love story, one-sided. The x's are what really caught my attention and a connection between the x's and exes was made. An X is two lines which are separate until they meet at one point and then separate. There is a switch: each half of the X seems to be one of the people and each half is a one-hearted situation; the woman feels for the man while he remains ambivalent, until the meeting of the lines when the roles switch and the man falls for her while she becomes distant.

I just like the description of the X. It's a nice idea even though it ends in separation.

Flowers Are People Too

"Pain surrounded us shortly after we met. After a while the pain was mine alone."

----

I don't like it when people pick flowers off plants that only put out one flower or if there are few of the plant actually flowering. The reason I don't collect flowers is because there is nothing anyone can do to a flower after it has been picked to make it as beautiful as it was the moment it was noticed in the wild. I've tried; it doesn't work. The only flowers I get are the ones that have already fallen and I never keep them. I once had a bouquet of cut flowers and when they all died I took them outside and buried them. That's how it should be.
In the field today, there was one indian paintbrush blooming in the area and Jill picked the flower. I was so angry with her that I didn't talk or make eye contact the rest of the day out there. It really is one thing to love nature and another thing to love it to its detriment. One of many habits I don't like about that woman.

Quote

I am an expert at speaking while barely saying a word; I’ve been speaking without saying a word all my life, and have endured whole inner tragedies without saying a word.

Dostoevsky

Power Outage

Some construction is going on nearby which likely caused a blackout at the Hampton. Almost immediately the phones of the front desk began to ring. Take one thing away from people and they turn into children, asking if we're there yet and not knowing how to preoccupy themselves.
"What's going on? A power out?"
"It's my electric personality," jokes one worker.
"I guess it's time for a break," interjects another worker.
A lady comes close to running into the front door head on. She says she doesn't know what to do. Everything is run on electricity here: the doors, the AC, the lights and refrigerators. Our society is run on electricity and people have forgotten even how to deal with a door that will not open. Even a luxury hotel becomes as hot and dark as a low end motel.
Another call comes in, from the elevator. A worker is stuck inside and yet, out of everyone, she is capable of getting out - pulling the doors apart. The other lady still doesn't know how to leave the hotel.
"It's my electric personality," repeats the worker. She will say this many more times, though no one has laughed since the first recitation.

Laying in Bed Under the Light of My Cell Phone

Last night I had a thought, that I go to sleep when it gets dark only to wake up again when it gets light. That light gives way to dark and then light again, back and forth. I feel like I'm getting tired of the pattern maybe because what I do during the day is so repetitive. I kind of wished that I could do one or the other instead of switching back and forth so rapidly. You know, sleep for an extended period of time then be awake for a similar amount of time. Embrace night or day only. I really wished I would keep sleeping last night. I think the song "Feel It All Around" by Washed Out captures this feeling.

Another strange thing that happened was a commercial that came on before I went to bed. Some aspect of it made me feel sad with longing. It was a realty commercial with a lady standing with tons of signs stuck into this perfect grassy hill. I think it was how perfect the hill looked that got to me, sort of like some of the landscape scenes from David Byrne's movie True Stories. It's like a road trip where you end up on this road with nothing but smooth grass around; and suddenly there are these houses, like a neighborhood of three houses sprouted along the highway. They appear, are passed, and fade in the distance so quickly almost like they are on an island in the middle of no where. I wonder if this description catches the beautiful feeling I'm trying to get across. I wonder if it will rekindle the feeling in me in the future.

I sent out a card to Dandelion, Jeska and my sister. I think it will arrive Friday, you guys.

The Eye

You can take a picture of what you see, but not what you mean.

Timelessness

Currently listening to:
Soft Music Under Stars
Fila Brazillia

I am finally stuck in the present, though not stuck in a bad way. It could be due to exhaustion and lack of days off but my focus isn't going into the past much and the far future is left alone. What caught my attention is how I have been told that each new location we go to is not as bad as the last, or at least not as difficult as the first Oklahoma site. I noticed that I can't remember how difficult the previous sites were or exactly why Chickasaw was the hardest. Each new place we go seems to be the most difficult, maybe in its own way. When I'm done with work each day, I return to the hotel room and just lay in bed watching the food channel, but of course I can't sleep and get rest. This is the way my days are and there's a timeless feel about them. So I guess all this amounts to living in the present.

Once we arrive at the next place in Colorado there will be more to do. We will be taking three days off once the site is done but before we go to New Mexico. I think we're visiting some caves and cliff dwellings and maybe the Great Sand Dunes. It will be fun to go back there.

I really like the movie Last Holiday with Queen Latifah. I've seen it on TV many times and it always makes me smile, but I never knew the title of the movie until tonight.

Photographing Prices

While driving, the first concern is gas. I've been in a few situations where my tank ran dangerously low because I kept passing stations with ridiculous prices. For instance, the other day I passed a station selling gas for 3.90/gallon when the area is anywhere between 3.35-3.50/gallon. And in those times every station sticks out as a possible stopping point.

It's important to note that, at high speeds, out of business gas stations look very much like an in business station having a slow day. And then the sign is seen, "unleaded - 1.65," and the heart beats faster at the prospect of finding the cheapest gas in the nation that everyone else somehow did not see. But it's closed. I find it fascinating that more isn't done to make these stations look more unavailable and then I had the idea of making a visual timeline.

Imagine someone traveling the nation photographing old abandoned gas stations, and then arranging the photographs in the order of the dates of their closings. We would then be able to see the fluctuations of that market. Each station is a little time capsule. I know there's probably some paper listing gas prices over time, but this seemed like a more creative way to show it.

Soon To Leave Oklahoma

Currently listening to:
I Wish That You Didn't Feel Like My Home
Matt the Electrician

I haven't had much internet access lately; currently, at this small motel in Oklahoma I can't get onto their internet because my computer is picky about what password protected networks it will let me connect with. It's a pain and I can't wait to get a new computer in a few years, when they are even smarter, or whatever. So once in a while I can get a connection with some unprotected network, which isn't great to do so I keep it to a minimum.

Some things I've seen on the road are a skunk, two horses side by side, donkies and layered clouds. I don't think I've ever seen a skunk in the wild and I made sure I didn't hit it lest the area smell like some of the best pot Kansas has ever smelled. The two horses that were exactly next to each other, facing the highway, caught my attention because they were almost like two people you would see in a coffee shop. I wondered what they were thinking and talking about as they watched the far-in between cars pass. It's interesting to see animals positioned like that or facing opposite directions right next to each other; I wonder what it's all about. I have to say I don't like Oklahoma's weather at all, nor their rules or higher prices; however, the state does have pretty awesome skies. The clouds I saw yesterday were layered as if I could be on one and step down like a staircase. The clouds are kind of like a flip book, where each page I turn adds more clouds at a different elevation and distance. It's a pretty awesome sight; I've taken several sky pictures since beginning my job, maybe not as much as I should have.

When we were leaving getting into Oklahoma again, I had an encounter with a sheriff. We were told that cops sometimes pulled government vehicles over because of the odd license plates and lack of an insurance windshield sticker. So this sheriff followed us a bit, then got into my blind spot and stayed there, I assume he was checking out the plate number. After ten minutes since seeing him, he pulled along side and waved, then drove off. I like to think people notice the government license plate and change their behavior accordingly, as if I could really do something about their speeding. I don't think most notice anyway.

It's pretty lonely out here without someone my age to talk with. I did have a good conversation with a guy that works at Washita. He had an aneurism and stroke at a young age and went into a coma, but can't remember any dreams or anything. We talked about rain harvesting and gardens and artificial body parts and why engineers didn't try to recreate the whole instead of just parts. We talked about some literature written by people who have experiences bodily malfunction and were able to write about it as it happened. I later heard from my boss that he was impressed with me. It takes a conversation to bring forth all the little bits of information collected in the back of your mind.

So now I'm quite tipsy. Across the street from the motel is a "liquor store" and, being Oklahoma, it was expensive. I still bought a small flask of three year old whiskey called Canadian Hunter. I don't really like whiskey but wanted to try this and it's smoother than some other cheap whiskey I've tried. Today is just one of those days I don't want to be around Jill or anyone and just want to relax and make a microwave dinner. Andrew suggested a game where I have to say what I'm hunting every time I take a shot: like "I'm hunting WOLVES" or the like.