Someone mentioned the other day that when a guy is single for a long time, girls aware of it seem to take it as a sign that something is wrong with that person. But when the guy enters a relationship, girls become attracted as if they must have overlooked something about the guy and he actually is desirable. Yet when the relationship ends there must really be something wrong with the guy so girls stay away, like the girl was wrong about what she thought was desirable.
I'm not sure if this would be true for a single girl; since guys are supposed to be the ones to make things happen, I feel like girls are able to judge the way described. I don't even know if there's truth to this.
Tuesday, February 28, 2012
Saturday, February 18, 2012
Grocery Symbiosis
I remember the days working for the park service, during the days off when the townsfolk were supposed to be working and things were mostly still. In those small towns I could never tell where everyone was or where they worked. Most places had one person running the store. I suppose many people could work for the local safeway, or whatever local grocery they have. In such a case, people work and are paid and buy food from their store and the cycle continues. It's sort of a symbiotic relationship. I wonder if a store and workers could support and perpetuate each other. The store would still need the passersby, but could it largely continue to exist off the workers? I'm not sure where all this money comes from and goes in those little forgotten towns.
Wednesday, February 15, 2012
Flashlapse
"The key is to know a lot about many things, and to appear to know very little."
This way people underestimate, reveal things they would normally hide, and not cause a bother in their search for information. Everyone likes the occasional opportunity to prove themselves well-versed and mentally powerful. Information becomes a valuable currency.
*********
I guess I've been tired lately. I pause a lot more during the day, like an instant power-down or daydream. Something comes over me and I get the "bad rum feeling." You know, when you have too much of a cheap-tasting thing and instead of a shiver of disgust you get a light numb feeling. So I'll get this feeling or hear a certain pitched note in some music or maybe a sequence of notes, and it reminds me of my dreams.
I have a certain visual which I associate with my dreams. To make it immediately visual I'll share this painting:
Any of Giorgio's paintings of simple architecture and chiaroscuro devoid of human presence are close to what I visualize. It's a simple environment but confusing because it is so unlike anything else, full of unique angles. When I have those lapses of daydream, I see this visualization and feel the nostalgia fixed to it, the nostalgia of dreaming. It's a place to explore without worry of time. It's always halfway to noon or halfway to dusk. Part of me wants to disregard what I have to do for school and take a melatonin and wander. Today I woke up and started going about my routine mechanically and a little after starting at work I wondered when I would wake up. It felt as if I were still dreaming. Perhaps a lingering effect of the melatonin? I took a larger dose last night thinking it would balance my sleep cycle again.
I've never considered the visual representation of my dreams, a symbol for them whether it matches or not. It's a recent thing so I haven't had much time to think about it or experience it. I always forget my dreams when I wake up.
This way people underestimate, reveal things they would normally hide, and not cause a bother in their search for information. Everyone likes the occasional opportunity to prove themselves well-versed and mentally powerful. Information becomes a valuable currency.
*********
I guess I've been tired lately. I pause a lot more during the day, like an instant power-down or daydream. Something comes over me and I get the "bad rum feeling." You know, when you have too much of a cheap-tasting thing and instead of a shiver of disgust you get a light numb feeling. So I'll get this feeling or hear a certain pitched note in some music or maybe a sequence of notes, and it reminds me of my dreams.
I have a certain visual which I associate with my dreams. To make it immediately visual I'll share this painting:
Any of Giorgio's paintings of simple architecture and chiaroscuro devoid of human presence are close to what I visualize. It's a simple environment but confusing because it is so unlike anything else, full of unique angles. When I have those lapses of daydream, I see this visualization and feel the nostalgia fixed to it, the nostalgia of dreaming. It's a place to explore without worry of time. It's always halfway to noon or halfway to dusk. Part of me wants to disregard what I have to do for school and take a melatonin and wander. Today I woke up and started going about my routine mechanically and a little after starting at work I wondered when I would wake up. It felt as if I were still dreaming. Perhaps a lingering effect of the melatonin? I took a larger dose last night thinking it would balance my sleep cycle again.I've never considered the visual representation of my dreams, a symbol for them whether it matches or not. It's a recent thing so I haven't had much time to think about it or experience it. I always forget my dreams when I wake up.
Thursday, February 9, 2012
Speed
I've been told I'm a slow person, I do things in my own time. The way I do things is about personal process instead of being goal-oriented. That is why I become sedentary or move aimlessly only to end up at some impulsive end.
Recently I was in a hurry to catch a bus because I knew the next one would be crowded with people just out of class. I didn't run, but I sprinted (one level above power walking). That day was a cold one so maybe that's why I felt so out of breath, my lungs were chilled. I think I could also be out of shape, despite being unable to gain weight. It occurred to me that my behavior and mindset may be causing me to become adapted to a slower way of life, and all along I thought I could run or do whatever at a moments notice. It's good to know one's capabilities; if I'm ever chased it might be a good idea to simply take a stand rather than become futilely tired. Or maybe mine and Jeska's future walking-for-exercise regiment will fix me.
Recently I was in a hurry to catch a bus because I knew the next one would be crowded with people just out of class. I didn't run, but I sprinted (one level above power walking). That day was a cold one so maybe that's why I felt so out of breath, my lungs were chilled. I think I could also be out of shape, despite being unable to gain weight. It occurred to me that my behavior and mindset may be causing me to become adapted to a slower way of life, and all along I thought I could run or do whatever at a moments notice. It's good to know one's capabilities; if I'm ever chased it might be a good idea to simply take a stand rather than become futilely tired. Or maybe mine and Jeska's future walking-for-exercise regiment will fix me.
Pregnant Winter
It's a weird feeling to hear a friend is pregnant or is planning on having a child. It happens so infrequently thanks to the small number of friends I keep that I'm unable to get used to it. The shock is that it's someone I am familiar and close to, but also someone in my age group. I suppose my mind lives in a previous set where we are all still innocent children trying to act grown up, and there are those actually doing it: having kids and graduating college. I'm not sure if I still feel like I'm being left behind or if I'm envious of others moving forward or if I'm sad they aren't staying with me. I guess we all grow up. Still, it makes me feel very fragile to see big leaps happening and the happiness over the progression. I wonder when I'll grow up the same way, or if my feet will run forward while my upper body turns to claw backwards. These feelings are almost exactly like the way I feel when I hear The Smashing Pumpkins.
Monday, February 6, 2012
Drugs I Have Known
Since I began life at college, I have been exposed to many new ideas and items, which sometimes are one in the same. I've been thinking about drugs, due to my plants and civilization class, and how they have become one of the biggest impacts in my life, connecting me to a new-found spirituality and shaping my perceptions of the world. Reading Carlos Castaneda has given me specific insight into what I was vaguely learning on my own and a poetic means to discuss them.
I probably won't ever get around to it, but I thought of writing a piece, a series of vignettes, personifying the plants I have met, giving them physical definition and personality.
Here I just want to lay out an outline with some minor notes on how the drugs seem to me.
I. The Natural
A) Mushrooms - The teacher; wise; collected; sometimes male, sometimes I'm not sure.
1. Yellow-cap (psilocybin) - Hesitant, though not closed off. Took more time to open up but once accustomed was willing to share and treat like a friend.
2. Amanita - Greeted like an old friend, almost like a hug. A tranquil vibe, willing to share easily if the right questions are asked. Treated me like a friend, but distrustful of strangers (created the latter feeling with me as a medium).
B) Marijuana - Very unstable and temperamental; felt like a female presence. Each meeting was different. Volatile at first (perhaps because I was approaching with the wrong intention), eventually a sort of complacency as if putting up with me; sometimes friendly.
C) Nutmeg - Meeting time so removed from consumption and meeting so brief it was hard to tell anything.
D) Kava Kava
E) Smoking blend - Just a mixture of other plants with minor effects, more of an "rock" or "water" personality than a "human" personality. Potentiates other plants.
F) Hawaiin Baby Woodrose Seeds
II. The Man-Made
A) ADD Medication - An interesting chemical for someone without the disorder. Although they are similar I feel that there is a difference, but it has been a while since meeting the substance so I don't remember.
1. Focalin
2. Adderall
B) Acid - Similar to yellow-caps, yet kind of hollow. He is like a passionate artist; very productive. Calm, but without so much emotion. It's hard to trust someone like that.
C) Molly - Not much of a person from what I can tell.
D) DMT - The most natural feeling of all the man-mades. Definitely a teacher, but unaware of how comfortable it is with the information, so with comfortable ease it tries to pass too much information. Casual, just trying to make a good impression.
I'm hesitant to call the man-mades people, because they're usually too far separated from the plants which birth them. A mind or emotion separated from the body, floating in a sea of consciousness; over time, without sensory connections to this planet, they dissociate and are purely what they are.
I probably won't ever get around to it, but I thought of writing a piece, a series of vignettes, personifying the plants I have met, giving them physical definition and personality.
Here I just want to lay out an outline with some minor notes on how the drugs seem to me.
I. The Natural
A) Mushrooms - The teacher; wise; collected; sometimes male, sometimes I'm not sure.
1. Yellow-cap (psilocybin) - Hesitant, though not closed off. Took more time to open up but once accustomed was willing to share and treat like a friend.
2. Amanita - Greeted like an old friend, almost like a hug. A tranquil vibe, willing to share easily if the right questions are asked. Treated me like a friend, but distrustful of strangers (created the latter feeling with me as a medium).
B) Marijuana - Very unstable and temperamental; felt like a female presence. Each meeting was different. Volatile at first (perhaps because I was approaching with the wrong intention), eventually a sort of complacency as if putting up with me; sometimes friendly.
C) Nutmeg - Meeting time so removed from consumption and meeting so brief it was hard to tell anything.
D) Kava Kava
E) Smoking blend - Just a mixture of other plants with minor effects, more of an "rock" or "water" personality than a "human" personality. Potentiates other plants.
F) Hawaiin Baby Woodrose Seeds
II. The Man-Made
A) ADD Medication - An interesting chemical for someone without the disorder. Although they are similar I feel that there is a difference, but it has been a while since meeting the substance so I don't remember.
1. Focalin
2. Adderall
B) Acid - Similar to yellow-caps, yet kind of hollow. He is like a passionate artist; very productive. Calm, but without so much emotion. It's hard to trust someone like that.
C) Molly - Not much of a person from what I can tell.
D) DMT - The most natural feeling of all the man-mades. Definitely a teacher, but unaware of how comfortable it is with the information, so with comfortable ease it tries to pass too much information. Casual, just trying to make a good impression.
I'm hesitant to call the man-mades people, because they're usually too far separated from the plants which birth them. A mind or emotion separated from the body, floating in a sea of consciousness; over time, without sensory connections to this planet, they dissociate and are purely what they are.
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