There's nothing really to say. Drank and watched Rocky Horror for the first time, with a couple friends. I still am not sure what I watched but it kept me asleep with weird dreams until noon; not to mention the Bonobo I listened to at the same time. I really couldn't stomach the gin I bought, even though every other time I tried it it seemed fine. So I ended up passing what was left in the bottle for ten dollars which was taking a serious hit. I'd rather have the ten dollars to apply to a bottle of Frangelica or something, though, I think.
Rebekah posted the date for her senior recital, but I can't go because of how removed I am, spatially and temporally. I wish I could go see her though that probably won't happen until she's out of school in her own place.
I don't feel like doing anything; it feels like half the semester should be over already. I can't believe I'm already this burned out. It would be nice to have just started working my way more into the NPS after this summer, to be actually doing something and making some money. There aren't really any campus jobs I can do right now and I'm busy enough with clubs and homework as it is.
I think I'll just nail out a homework assignment today and smoke and eat ramen. Maybe cook something for the future tonight. Blah..
Showing posts with label Rebek-bek. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Rebek-bek. Show all posts
Saturday, August 27, 2011
Sunday, May 15, 2011
Just a Kid
It's been a while since I've last posted and much has happened, as always, but most of it slipped my mind. To sum up, there was a camping trip with some of the guys and it was very cold. Andrew decided it was better to make a fire rather than put a sweater on, so we were tied down to the camp spot and suddenly used up the wood we had collected before the sun had even set. I'm don't think certain people would survive in a primitive situation, especially when they walk around a grocery store hung over and leave empty-handed despite having no food for the trip.
Anyway, I was able to snag another hit of acid before the trip, so I took two hits. It was kind of like bloomers except without the emotional ending and the desire to go back; it was on and then off, sort of like how salvia is described. Certainly it was more productive, bloomers tend to incapacitate in the way that you can't write down most of what you think because they're emotions at the core, I suppose. At night we smoked and drank, but I just couldn't get drunk for some reason, no matter how much I took. It was a pretty fun farewell event before finals.
Finals were pretty terrible; I only felt positive about a couple of them and the rest have turned out average as I expected. I just want to graduate.
Then I did the fifteen hour drive home. I didn't think about a whole lot this time so it was kind of lame. There were a couple one-lane highway situations where the other lane was being repaired. I chatted with a couple workers and posed the question of what they would do if they received no calls and no next shift came to relieve them. Despite being in the middle of nowhere, they didn't seem too worried. I might make a play about that or something, sort of a Waiting for Godot sort of thing.
Last night some of my old friends came over and brought everclear and some fruit punch from a Mexican grocery store. We passed that wine around and then a bong and we were all messed up and jovial. I haven't been that messed up since I started CSU; it felt good to let loose and laugh for no reason. Rebekah told me she stopped doing drugs to learn things, about herself of the world, and now just does them to feel something different and get messed up. Well, she didn't use those exact words so some of that may not be true. But I thought about what she said and realized that while I still feel I have things to learn, recently it has been more about feeling messed up and I want to feel it more, but not in a totally self-destructive way. I've been thinking about this idea of doing a certain order or amount or frequency of things to initiate some sort of reality shift.
Today I went to see Dandelion. She was helping Josh with his hair and we played Jenga and watched the Office. I haven't played a game like that in a while. Adian came home from work and he seemed about the same, though I didn't really know what to say to him, or really anyone, today. It was his birthday recently, or maybe today so Kasey was going to make some birthday dinner and do laundry, so Josh and I got kicked out. She seemed pretty eager to do laundry.
Anyway, I was able to snag another hit of acid before the trip, so I took two hits. It was kind of like bloomers except without the emotional ending and the desire to go back; it was on and then off, sort of like how salvia is described. Certainly it was more productive, bloomers tend to incapacitate in the way that you can't write down most of what you think because they're emotions at the core, I suppose. At night we smoked and drank, but I just couldn't get drunk for some reason, no matter how much I took. It was a pretty fun farewell event before finals.
Finals were pretty terrible; I only felt positive about a couple of them and the rest have turned out average as I expected. I just want to graduate.
Then I did the fifteen hour drive home. I didn't think about a whole lot this time so it was kind of lame. There were a couple one-lane highway situations where the other lane was being repaired. I chatted with a couple workers and posed the question of what they would do if they received no calls and no next shift came to relieve them. Despite being in the middle of nowhere, they didn't seem too worried. I might make a play about that or something, sort of a Waiting for Godot sort of thing.
Last night some of my old friends came over and brought everclear and some fruit punch from a Mexican grocery store. We passed that wine around and then a bong and we were all messed up and jovial. I haven't been that messed up since I started CSU; it felt good to let loose and laugh for no reason. Rebekah told me she stopped doing drugs to learn things, about herself of the world, and now just does them to feel something different and get messed up. Well, she didn't use those exact words so some of that may not be true. But I thought about what she said and realized that while I still feel I have things to learn, recently it has been more about feeling messed up and I want to feel it more, but not in a totally self-destructive way. I've been thinking about this idea of doing a certain order or amount or frequency of things to initiate some sort of reality shift.
Today I went to see Dandelion. She was helping Josh with his hair and we played Jenga and watched the Office. I haven't played a game like that in a while. Adian came home from work and he seemed about the same, though I didn't really know what to say to him, or really anyone, today. It was his birthday recently, or maybe today so Kasey was going to make some birthday dinner and do laundry, so Josh and I got kicked out. She seemed pretty eager to do laundry.
Sunday, July 18, 2010
Meanings
Rebekah is having some hard times, so I said "tender grasses will grow easily," which is a positive turn on a line from an Andrew Bird song.
"Thank you," she said, and I was surprised. The line is so ambiguous out of context; sure grasses will keep growing and replacing the dead. I guess I didn't expect it to be apparent and comforting, because I might not have immediately gotten it.
I don't know why it feels so weird to me all of the sudden.
*****
Apparently squirrels will be having litters in a week. I assume it means the average majority of North American squirrels. That's for you, Jessica.
"Thank you," she said, and I was surprised. The line is so ambiguous out of context; sure grasses will keep growing and replacing the dead. I guess I didn't expect it to be apparent and comforting, because I might not have immediately gotten it.
I don't know why it feels so weird to me all of the sudden.
*****
Apparently squirrels will be having litters in a week. I assume it means the average majority of North American squirrels. That's for you, Jessica.
Friday, July 16, 2010
Summer Camps are Over!
Currently listening to:
More Than This
Roxy Music
"Like a dream in the night
Who can say where we're going
No care in the world
Maybe I'm learning"
*****
What a day at work. By the end of the day even the Education Coordinators, Z and Genna, were beat. I bet it's tough being a teacher and not getting a summer break. At least the week-long camps are done for.
Since it was Friday, morning food was brought in: doughnuts and breakfast tacos. I swear this job is tempting food-wise. Junk food was not in the job description! We probably need it, though, to put up with the children - the lesser of two evils - and I probably need it because I've stayed awake from 8AM to 1AM every day. Got to have 'me' time.Once the internship is complete I'll go back to my healthier bland diet.
We went canoeing today and either it was hotter than normal or the water reflected the light and gave me a double dose, or both. Luckily no one tipped their canoe, probably because we let them go swimming after a time.
My face was burning off my head! Out of the seven weeks I've been working at the center I've never had to use sunscreen before. I did today, but after I had gotten burned so it wasn't as effective. Genna was probably worried I would faint or something, so I was allowed to go inside the rest of the time.
During the break I got the chance to talk to Rebekah on Facebook chat; important only because she and I are rarely on at the same time. She wants me to write her another letter, only when I ask for one from her she refuses. I think it's weird to send two letters without having one from the other person between, only when the letters are asked for. I told her I'd think about it and I probably will write one. She said I was something along the lines of "soft," but I can't remember exactly what she said. I'm still going to wait a bit and maybe call her to see if I can get a letter out of her.
After that I gave a one-on-one hike to enthusiastic Olivia from my group. We saw an egret about twenty feet away. After that was the long draw toward traffic home. Now for night math. :[
Waiting on a call/text from Dandelion. Probably won't happen in time.... Yes! Got the call!
More Than This
Roxy Music
"Like a dream in the night
Who can say where we're going
No care in the world
Maybe I'm learning"
*****
What a day at work. By the end of the day even the Education Coordinators, Z and Genna, were beat. I bet it's tough being a teacher and not getting a summer break. At least the week-long camps are done for.
Since it was Friday, morning food was brought in: doughnuts and breakfast tacos. I swear this job is tempting food-wise. Junk food was not in the job description! We probably need it, though, to put up with the children - the lesser of two evils - and I probably need it because I've stayed awake from 8AM to 1AM every day. Got to have 'me' time.Once the internship is complete I'll go back to my healthier bland diet.
We went canoeing today and either it was hotter than normal or the water reflected the light and gave me a double dose, or both. Luckily no one tipped their canoe, probably because we let them go swimming after a time.
My face was burning off my head! Out of the seven weeks I've been working at the center I've never had to use sunscreen before. I did today, but after I had gotten burned so it wasn't as effective. Genna was probably worried I would faint or something, so I was allowed to go inside the rest of the time.
During the break I got the chance to talk to Rebekah on Facebook chat; important only because she and I are rarely on at the same time. She wants me to write her another letter, only when I ask for one from her she refuses. I think it's weird to send two letters without having one from the other person between, only when the letters are asked for. I told her I'd think about it and I probably will write one. She said I was something along the lines of "soft," but I can't remember exactly what she said. I'm still going to wait a bit and maybe call her to see if I can get a letter out of her.
After that I gave a one-on-one hike to enthusiastic Olivia from my group. We saw an egret about twenty feet away. After that was the long draw toward traffic home. Now for night math. :[
Waiting on a call/text from Dandelion. Probably won't happen in time.... Yes! Got the call!
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